"IF YOU WERE MY LADY"

There is a God... Seriously. Watch.

Back in the early '80's, a friend of mine, Jon Sommers, was working for a wealthy boat owner who gave him a free trip to a marlin fishing contest at Rancho Buena Vista down in Baja, CA. and invited me to join him. (It cost me $900, but I had the time of my life... And I wrote a really cool song.)

We flew out of Long Beach Airport at 3:00 a.m.

I sat directly across from the pilot's girlfriend. She was in a terrible mood for lack of sleep, but I was mesmerized. There was something about her. 

The sky was incredible! There were millions of stars flickering on a blanket of darkness. I kept staring at her and then at the sky. Suddenly...

I began singing in my head: "If you were my lady... And I was your lover"...

I immediately began talking to God: This is for Glen Campbell!

I knew he'd do it.

When I got back to L.A., I called Richard Delvy and told him I had a song for Glen. Richard had actually hired him as a musician, before he got famous and... Hey! It's gonna happen.

So, we cut a demo, and it was beautiful. I can't remember the name of the guy we used but he had the most beautiful voice ever. EVER! Glen was doing a European tour with Tanya Tucker and I had written a perfect duet for them.

We were off and running... To a dead stop. Richard couldn't get it to him.

On any given day, a Superstar has 10,000 people who want something from him.

We got lost in the hubris.

But, remember the part where I said: "There is a God?"

I was living in Hermosa Beach at the time... And one sunny morning I got a phone call from Nashville. It was from a dear friend of Richard Delvy's, Theresa. We'd met a few times and enjoyed a few beers here and there.

(Phone rings) "Hey, Ed? How you doin'? It's Theresa. Yeah! Hey listen, I got a girlfriend stuck at LAX and her connecting flight ain't 'til tonight. Could you let her come by and you entertain her down there at the beach so she ain't stuck in LAX all day?"

I offered to go get her but Theresa said she'd catch a cab and be by after a while.

An hour and a half later, this lovely lady knocked on my door and I opened it to a: "Where's your restroom? I gotta pee!!!

I pointed the way and she was off.

When she returned we began engaging in small-talk. Eventually, I asked her what she was doing in L.A. It turned out she was on her honeymoon, but her husband got called back to work.

"What does he do?"

"He's Tanya Tucker's road manager."

I can't even describe the thoughts that were racing through my mind.

"Dear Lady. May I play something for you?"

She really was impressed, but couldn't commit too much.

"I promise. I'll play it for Tanya."

And so, the wheels turned. Glen loved it! Tanya loved it! It was happening!

There is a God!!!!

I went about my business. I was working down in La Paz, Mexico, doing prep-work; sanding on a yacht that was about to be painted. When I'd finished, I got on a plane and flew back to LAX.

I will NEVER forget it. I got off the plane and as I walked by a newsstand, I saw PEOPLE Magazine. It had a blue cover with a picture of TANYA TUCKER walking. The cover spoke out in large letters.

WHY I WILL NEVER TALK TO GLEN CAMPBELL AGAIN!

My heart sunk. Later, I called Richard Delvy and said: I guess we lost it"

He was so upbeat: "No!"

It turned out that Tanya was such a huge part of Glen's show that he couldn't just drop her, he had to replace her. And he replaced her with Diane Solomon. Diane was a well known English entertainer who had her own variety tv show at the time.

Interesting side bar: Remember when I rehearsed with THE CHALLENGERS? Our first gig was up at Lake Arrowhead. One of the acts we backed was: David Bainbridge. It turned out that back in 1964, because of The Beatles, if you had an English accent and could sing Rockn' Roll, you could make $100 - $200 a night doing a half hour show. That would be equivalent to $1,000 a night today.

So, David decided it'd be fun to tour America.

Why do I bring this up? Because years later, Diane Solomon was his best friend... And Ex-Wife.

Crazy, Huh? 

  "LET ME BE YOUR WOMAN"  

 Back in 1969, I had the privilege of being hired by Filmation as a songwriter. I started by writing the HARDY BOYS CARTOON SHOW theme song. It was the beginning of a beautiful relationship. It was a dream job and I went on to write a half dozen theme songs (HARDY BOYS, GROOVIE GOOLIES, FAT ALBERT, ARCHIE’S TV FUNNIES, SABRINA, WILL THE REAL JERRY LEWIS PLEASE SIT DOWN, over 70 feature songs, along with a couple dozen songs that were used in the cartoon movies TREASURE ISLAND and OLIVER TWIST.

One interesting side bar, was that Norm Prescott (Filmation’s VP) began asking me to listen to the musical children of some of his friends and perhaps give them a little advice on how to improve their songwriting.

The first was a young lady who was basically a female Bob Dylan. I’ll never forget it. It was 100 degrees out in Laurel Canyon where I met her, and she was nervous… To the point that her body odor permeated the house and I sat on the other side of the room and still had trouble breathing.

A couple weeks later, Norm asked me to listen to a couple teen-aged kids who actually turned out to be very cool. And talented. I hope I helped them. 

A few weeks after that, he wanted me to hear a female singer who worked in Vegas at a friend’s casino. They wanted me to write a song for her. It was still 90 degrees in the valley and I wasn’t all that pleased to have to drive out there. Then I saw her. She was wearing a yellow summer dress and wore her hair up. I remember she had a neck like Audrey Hepburn and she was one of the most beautiful women I’d ever met. I hadn’t brought my guitar, so I just asked her to sing something a capella. SHE BLEW MY SOCKS OFF!

This adorable, sweet young lady had the chops of a Gladys Knight! She was so good, she was making $5,000. a week in 1970! To keep things in perspective, in 1970, my wife at the time, worked as a secretary for Hughes Aircraft making $12,000. a year. And we were living in the middle class.

I was so excited. I immediately drove home and came up with “LET ME BE YOUR WOMAN”. I cut a demo, got it to her and sat back… And waited.

I never got a response. I thought it was perfect for her…I got nothing back.

Finally, I called Norm. It turned out, she quit Vegas and went back to her boyfriend in Boston. He happened to be a junkie. He got her hooked on heroin and she OD’d.

I was so devastated, I put my copy in a drawer, and forgot about it. A couple years later, I heard about THE WHITNEY FAMILY. Friends of mine were going to record them. They were like the Jackson 5, only there were 10 of them. Mom, Dad, and 8 kids. Someone mentioned that Mom sang like Gladys Knight and I said, “Do I have a song for you”! They recorded it and I was pleased that I found a home for the song.

 Next, I got word that YOKO OHTAKI recorded it in Japan. I wish I still had the tape. It was cool. It was in Japanese.

 Then, a couple years later, Linda Clifford a “Disco Queen” recorded it. The album did well. It got up to #63 on the Billboard Hot 100 and I was going to make a couple bucks.

Here’s a fun side note…The album was on RSO (The Bee Gees label)and I called them and asked if I could come by and get a couple freebie albums. They said “sure” and so I drove up to Sunset to pick them up. It was really neat, because there were a couple hot ladies that worked there and they “loved” the song. I was in ego heaven. I flirted a bit, and then grabbed my albums and left… By walking into a closet. So cool. Chicks dig it when you make them laugh!

A couple years later, HELEN REDDY recorded it. It’s still nice to remember that at one time in my life… I had a place in the music business.

"THE GREEN SLIME" - Title Song

Back in 1968, I was a staff writer for MGM. Richard Delvy was the West Coast V.P. for MGM PUBLISHING. 

An interesting side note: Tony Orlando was the East Coast V.P. for MGM PUBLISHING. Tony was just a couple years away from setting the world on fire with TONY ORLANDO & DAWN and "TIE A YELLOW RIBBON."

So, Richard Delvy was given the opportunity to produce a theme song for a MGM release. It was a bit funny and yet sad; he really wanted to do a great job for the Big Guys back east. He was counting on me, or Jack Dalton and another writer whom I have forgotten, to come up with something special.

Then we saw the movie.

It was a Japanese Production with a couple American actors: Robert Horton and Richard Jaeckel, with the beautiful Miss Luciana Paluzzi thrown in for good measure. What's a Space/Monster Movie without a sexy Italian actress to react to the insanely ridiculous Green Slime Creatures. It was a joke. They were NOT scary at all. They were just pathetic.

Richard was panicking. It meant a lot to him. Fortunately, I came up with something everyone liked...Even the Big Boys back in New York. 

We recorded it at Wally Heider's Studio in Hollywood. We recorded 'til 3:00 a.m. Rob Edwards gave us some very cool guitar licks and soon all was well with the Universe. 

McDONALDS (A local ad in Seattle)

WEINERSCHNITZEL (Around 1967.  To give you an idea of what inflation means, the last lines of the song are: "Just 18 cents now, and you will know how good a great big hot dog can be.") Seriously, when was the last time you paid 18 cents... for anything?

MERCURY MONARCH (It was a local ad in Detroit.)

COPELAND FRANKS (It was the early '70's and I was writing for FILMATION. The owner of the company was a friend of FILMATION'S V.P. Norm Prescott, and we did the commercial as a freebie. I sang it and I sounded like Rod McKuen. Oh well.)

I wrote a few others but they have been lost over time. Too bad. I'd like to hear them again.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

In the mid-seventies, Filmation made a deal with Warner Bros. to produce 10 all-time classic movies that would be played weekly on t.v. (I don't remember which network.)

The first two that were produced are available to be seen hiding somewhere on the world wide web. They were "TREASURE ISLAND" and "OLIVER TWIST."

I don't recommend you watch them.

I remember sitting next to the director, Hal Sutherland. At the end of the show, he leaned over and said, "Your songs are the only good thing about these pieces of s__t!"

The problem was that Warner Bros. had put one of their people in charge as Executive Director. Her vision sucked. Literally. If you do look them up, check out the comments. One person said they were traumatized as a child when they watched it. In one, there was a hanging. Sure, it's cartoons and not real life, but can you imagine? Is this how children should be entertained?

Needless to say, the entire project was scrapped. And I really took a hit, financially. I was writing 11 to 14 songs per show and they would be played week after week for 10 years. The worst part was telling my Dad that I was going to make a million dollars, having him  laugh at me: "Yeah, right!" And then have it blow up in my face. Oh well.

Let's talk about the cartoon shows.

I worked at Vault Recording Studio for a couple years. I had the privilege of working with Ed Michel, a producer who brought in some of the best and greatest Blues performers of the time. I worked with: JOHN LEE HOOKER, his brother EARL, LIGHTNIN' HOPKINS, JIMMY WITHERSPOON, BIG DADDY "MOOSE" WALKER and a few others.

One thing that was really cool at the time we recorded the LIGHTNIN' HOPKINS album, TONY JOE WHITE had the #1 song in L.A. with "POLK SALAD ANNIE" and when he heard that LIGHTNIN' was recording, he stopped by the session. He was just the most humble and endearing "rock star" you could ever meet. He was a true Southern Gentleman and he grew up on LIGHTNIN' HOPKINS. Meeting his hero was a pure joy. They even jammed a little after the session. It was amazing.

I got married in December of '68 and in January I was informed that the studio wasn't bringing in enough revenue so they were closing it down.

I was sick to my stomach. I felt so much responsibility for my new wife. She had a decent job at Hughes Aircraft as a secretary, but it really hit me.

WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

I sat there at the mixing board, dazed and confused. I began talking to God for guidance. I was only 22 at the time and searching for an answer.

Suddenly, I announced to God and the universe: "I want to write songs for television." To be perfectly honest, I have no idea where that came from. I remember one time a few years prior, hearing a theme song and thinking "I could write something better than that," but that's about it. So I went on unemployment and started looking for a job.

Back in 1968, when THE ARCHIES had a hit with "BANG SHANG ALANG," other cartoon producers began creating shows with feature songs and cartoon groups. Then came "SUGAR SUGAR" and THE ARCHIES had a #1 record around the world. Well, DON KIRSHNER, the executive producer for the music, started taking out ads in Billboard Magazine, taking credit for THE ARCHIES success. Filmation took offense to his braggadocio and decided the next show they did would have music and a new producer.

So, Filmation began auditioning 5 different music producers. Jerry Fuller was offered an audition and he recommended that they also give Richard Delvy a shot.

R.D. called me and asked if I'd be interested in putting a group together for THE HARDY BOYS. There was a blonde guitar player (me), a dark haired guitar player (Art Fisher from THE CHALLENGERS), a skinny black drummer, a fat white sax player and a pretty blonde female singer.

As I walked to the elevator from Richard's office, I began singing in my head: "Oh Boy, here come THE HARDY'S....  Oh boy, we're havin' a party." I decided that when we auditioned for Filmation, we'd open and close with the theme song.